I laced up my running shoes this morning. I went out the front door and I think I tried hard to run away the hurt.
Ellie Holcomb sang in my ears and even though her music isn’t really running music, it seemed appropriate to be listening to “Can’t Outrun Your Love” as my feet pounded out the last 18 months on the sidewalks. We lost her this week. Our Aida. I felt a little like I was running in a movie montage, the images flashing through my mind: the 18 months of pictures and the short video of her learning how to walk and the monthly updates, and the first time we saw her face- all moving in front of me as I raced by houses. Next week, they’ll pack up her things and take her away from her transition home back to an orphanage. There she will wait in hope that someone from her own country is allowed to adopt her or allowed to foster her. The wind hit my face and I let go of our future with her and let the breeze carry it away. And Ellie’s voice sang scripture over me and I clung to its promises. And I ran with the music seeping into my soul and my feet chanted out an anthem to Him for me and for us and for our Aida. I stopped running and moved forward in prayer as if I could walk out the miles between us. I thought about all of the others who have walked beside us and prayed the miles with us too. And I gulped in the air, the shock of knowing what I said way back in March was true and a friend even reminded me of it last night. There was a little girl in Africa that without this journey that threatened to crush us, would have never been known, loved, and prayed for specifically by hundreds of people. Her name rose up to the heavens like a chorus from His people: "Aida.” She was our gift and our hope for 18 months, the daughter and sister we will never know but who will be bound to our family for the rest of our lives. We are grieving and we know there are lots of questions we need to answer but for now we ask you give us a little time. We have a thousand thoughts but few words. But keep praying. Our gift needs a gift herself. Pray for a family in Africa for Aida.
12 Comments
Brenda sanders
2/15/2014 10:23:06 am
I started praying for a forever family - one as loving as your family and a family of fath -as soon as I heard. I will keep praying for Aida and you, Ben, Tucker and Libby.
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Natalie
2/15/2014 10:30:15 am
Oh Beth.. I'm so sorry.
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Cherie
2/15/2014 11:11:59 am
I'm so sorry. I will definitely pray for Aida to not only a loving home but most importantly Jesus. Prayers for you and your family.
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Matthew Allen
2/15/2014 11:27:35 am
I am sorry for this turn of events but am encouraged by your perspective and faith. God be with you and your family and with Aida and her family waiting for her in Africa.
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Troi Kandler
2/15/2014 12:16:57 pm
So sorry for you and your family! Try to think happy thoughts for your sweet baby girl! Love Troi,Fred and Carly
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Jill
2/15/2014 01:06:39 pm
So sorry, I will be praying for a family for your precious child!!! I can't imagine your heart. Praying for peace for you!!
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Alexis Seligman
2/15/2014 02:34:24 pm
This news makes my heart ache for yall. Im so sorry, Beth. I hope you get some peace soon, I can only imagine how upset everyone must be.
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Dorris Warnock
2/15/2014 02:35:49 pm
Beth and Ben, our hearts hurt so for you. Your blogs always touch us deeply. We continue to pray
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Oh Beth! I just want to wrap my arms around you! I can't imagine all the thoughts racing through y'all right now! I am praying with y'all! For Aida! For your hearts as well! I wish it was possible to know Gods thoughts and plans but we know His way is best. Prayers!!
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Kay
2/16/2014 01:14:31 am
Dear Beth- words cannot express the loss you and your family have experienced. You don't know me as I was in Seminary when your parents were there. I have read your story and prayed that you would been able to have your family joined by a blessing from Africa. The journey of international adoption creates a roller coaster of emotions just by the nature of it all. The decisions of a faraway country cannot be explained or justified just accepted.
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Brian Oglesbee
2/16/2014 05:35:29 am
Oh Beth. I am so sorry I will continue to pray.
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Zandra R. Thompson
2/16/2014 08:33:28 am
Prayers for all of you!
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AuthorWe are a family of five (Ben, Beth, Tucker, Libby, and Zane). We started this blog during our 7 year journey to bring home a child through adoption. This is our story of how God is faithful in the good, the bad, and all the in between. Archives
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