I talked to her amongst the normal chaos that is our house: the back door slamming as Tucker came in and out, Libby falling and crying over a boo boo. As I held the phone to my ear, I stirred dinner on the stove, folded piles of laundry on the dinning room table, kissed Libby’s knee, and searched for a Band-Aid.
I listened to her talk, emotions quietly unspoken between her words. I heard the exhaustion in her voice. I also heard her joy. Ashley, one of our college students, is experiencing a summer surrendered to His ministry. Working among a group of hardened people, in the heat, with ridiculous hours devoted to work, and very few devoted to rest. She is one of many of our students who have given up much to be serving Him this summer. Family vacations. Approval of their parents. Sleeping in. Graduating on time. Graduating early. Earning money. Momentous occasions of family and friends. We chatted for a little while longer. And at the end I offered what little I could contribute — my prayer “that His strength would be sufficient”. I know that it will. She’s choosing Jesus. Our students are choosing Jesus. And I’m challenged by their obedient faith. My cell phone rattled on the table as I received a text message from her. It was the last time she would have cell phone service as she left behind her former life. My best friend from college, Dianna, was about to climb on the plane that would carry her, her husband, and three young kids to Africa. They sold their house and their cars. Left behind most of their earthly possessions, their family and friends, and their thriving ministry in Georgia. But part of her text message “at the airport, feeling peaceful” tells me the truth … She’s choosing Jesus. They’re choosing Jesus. And I’m challenged by their obedient faith. So many people in the “adoption community” challenge me. We’ve got friends who have two little girls they adopted through the foster care system, one with special needs. I “met” a woman over email (a friend of Ben’s aunt) who adopted a little girl from Uganda and is now in the process of adopting another little girl from Eastern Europe who is HIV positive. A former coworker of Ben’s went to Ukraine to adopt two young children and came back with four children over the age of four (and later adopted another child from Ethiopia). These are just a few families out of many. They all chose Jesus. They are all choosing Jesus. Choosing Him over comfort. Over what seems easy. Over what seems logical. Over what seems normal. We get questions about our adoption “won’t it be difficult not getting a newborn?” “How can you wait that long?” “So … the child will be black?” I try to string some words together to make a coherent response but truthfully the simple answer is: He is sufficient; we aren't. He is fearless. He is peace. He is patient. He is Love. He is compassion. He is wisdom. He is why we already love and long for a dark-skinned child who will look nothing like us but will share our name and have our hearts. I fail at choosing Jesus everyday. I choose harsh words. I choose impatience. I choose pride. I choose ungratefulness. I choose not to take a stand. I choose my opinions. I choose others’ opinions. I choose my comfort. I choose my house. I choose sleep. I choose the computer. I choose family. Mainly, I choose myself. But He is the best choice. The choice my heart longs to make. He is sufficient, better than anything this world has to offer. And even if it means we never can afford to go on a family vacation or have cable TV, if our lives are often completely disrupted, if we have to give up those earthly things we treasure most, if people stare at us or roll their eyes at our decisions, if we never do what’s normal or expected … I pray that we will still choose Him. Redeemer, set my agenda today, orchestrate my steps, alter my decisions. Let me join those amazing examples you have placed in my life who are actively choosing You. May my choices be like sweet music to Your ears, an offering to You. Help me choose Jesus, today. If you want to read more of the stories of the people I mentioned above, check out these links for blogs and a book. http://ashleymimsyeah.wordpress.com/ http://cashcrewship.blogspot.com/ www.familyhopelove.com www.orphanologybook.com/
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She thanked God for the fleas. When I was in middle school, I read Corrie ten Boom’s The Hiding Place. Most of the details of the book are fuzzy in my mind, but somewhere in the folds of the pages is a story that has come back to me often since my days of tall socks and scrunchies. I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently. Corrie and her sister Betsie were prisoners in the barracks of Ravensbruck (a women’s extermination camp during the Nazi reign in Germany). They held prayer services in their barracks despite the fear that hung over the place like a dark blanket and the swarms of fleas that crawled all over them and nested in the their beds. While praying together, one of the sisters thanked God for the fleas and the other sister looked at her like she was crazy (no judgment here). Later, they found out the guards never entered their barracks because they wanted to stay away from those tiny, annoying insects. The insects that most people would never consider a blessing offered a ring of protection around the barracks and allowed the women to continue with their prayers services where they found comfort, peace, and community amongst the most dire of circumstances. He used fleas. His ways are not our ways. We’ve been overwhelmed the last few months with generous gifts of time and resources. We’ve been so grateful. We’ve also been discouraged by setbacks in our process. I haven’t been so grateful for those. We’ve hit a lot of little hurdles … the official homestudy with our last name misspelled on every page that still hasn’t come back to us corrected, long waits with doctors to sign papers, reference letters lost in the mail. All of those things mean we are still not on the wait list and we probably won’t be until the end of summer. But I hear Him: Give thanks in ALL circumstances. My ways are not your ways. He’s been teaching me a bigger, more difficult lesson … that thankfulness isn’t just about being grateful for the good stuff. On a sleepless night about a week ago, I lay in bed asking the Perfector of my faith for forgiveness and begging for His help in that which is against my nature … offering thanks for the not so fun things. A few hours later, Libby woke up at 5:50 a.m. “I get it, Lord.” I pulled her up out of bed, and as I headed downstairs with her away from my sleeping boys, I snuggled her little warm body close and thanked my Provider that she woke up so early. It felt ridiculous. I admitted that to Him too. But it also felt strangely right. “I’m changing your ways, daughter” My dear friend Dianna writes a much-anticipated thankful list on her blog every Thursday (http://obsequiumfidei.blogspot.com). I’m not that faithful a blogger (shocking, I know), but I’m going to attempt to write a thankful list pertaining to our adoption journey once a month. I’m going to include those things that are not so easy to be thankful for, all the while praying He’ll change my perspective and my heart through the process. Thankful List for June yard sale: -yard sale fundraisers here in Wichita Falls and in Georgia that raised about $1,300 -so many people donating to our yard sale… many of them we didn’t even know! -kind friends who struggled through the heat Friday afternoon and evening to help us set up -a threat of rain that made us (and kind friends) put everything back up from our yard sale at 8:30 Friday evening -the rain that never showed up -the guys who showed up at 5 a.m. Saturday morning to help us set up everything. Again. -the cool air the morning of the yard sale -friends who watched our kids during a yard sale -friends who helped during and after the yard sale -the crazy heat the last hours of the yard sale -being able to donate all the leftovers to Faith Mission -a perfectly timed gift card from Mimi and Pops (Ben’s parents) that allowed us to go out to eat for dinner after our yard sale -Nana and Papa (my parents) hosting their own yard sale for us in Fitzgerald at the same time and all the kind neighbors who showed up to welcome them to the neighborhood -multiple donation checks that humbled and shocked us amounting to over $2,300 received throughout the month -successful and fun painting class -reference letter that got lost in the mail -reference letter that finally made it! -a homestudy with our name misspelled, still waiting for it to come back to us -4th of July shirts ordered and delivered -non-4th of July T-shirt orders -a great new doctor who was able to see me quickly -a kind and thoughtful doctor who helped Ben get his letter done and a few random things that have nothing to do with adoption: -a new nephew, Micah! -talking about Uncle Jacob with kids -how much Tucker loved VBS (“Mom, PLEASE can I be the last one picked up?!") -the way Libby sings “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” -a husband who buys groceries, cooks meals, takes care of kids (and me) when I’m sick -that you read ALL of this -His ways are not our ways! “Thank Me for the very things that are troubling you … Thanking Me for trials will feel awkward and contrived at first. But if you persist, your thankful words, prayed in faith, will eventually make a difference in your heart” (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, June 22). |
AuthorWe are a family of five (Ben, Beth, Tucker, Libby, and Zane). We started this blog during our 7 year journey to bring home a child through adoption. This is our story of how God is faithful in the good, the bad, and all the in between. Archives
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