There is a sadness I didn’t expect. I am (we are) overjoyed that we have an official referral… a little girl waiting for us in Africa. But I wasn’t prepared for the other emotions that would come with that news. Mainly, a constant companion of sadness I just can’t shake. In the quiet calm of the evenings, I tuck my two oldest in and listen to the sweet sound of them singing and I push back tears because someone else is tucking my youngest in (“please, Lord, let there be someone tucking her in”). I watch Tucker and Libby running circles around the living room and wonder if we will miss her first steps. We celebrate Tucker’s birthday and I dread the day her 1st birthday will come and go without her here to sing to. I fix them their favorite sandwiches and wonder if someone knows what her favorite foods are. The days, the weeks have passed and I think about the moments we haven’t had with her, the milestones we are missing, fearing that each day is another day she grows farther apart from us, another day that her transition to trust and love us becomes harder. Our daughter is living a continent away under other people’s care. Just two months ago, I thought we had several years to go and that seemed so long. Now, “6-8” months feels unbearable. But I have a gift. A gift I don’t take for granted because some mothers don’t have it. The gift of hope … hope for a future with her and so I cling to it. Hope for nights when she is included in the bedtime story, when I get to rock her, and hold her, and tuck her in. Hope for birthdays with candles and singing, hope for three kids chasing each other around the house, and the laughter of all of them filling our home. I have hope for getting to add her picture to the wall of photos of our kids and the first time I struggle to fix her hair. I have hope for one more little person pulling at my legs and testing my patience while I try to cook dinner, another set of fingerprint smudges on the walls, and for five chairs to be occupied at our table. I have hope for an extra coat hanging by our door and another pair of shoes on the shoe rack. And He is surrounding me with sounds of hope … constant reminders He faithfully gives that help me keep going. I hear it with the clinking of coins in a jar, the one Tucker started just to help bring his sister home. I hear it in the ting of the metal when the mailman drops yet another encouraging note or generous donation in our mailbox. I hear it in the whir of the sewing machine, as I, slightly exhausted, turn it on each evening after the kids are in bed, and I remember that with each little stitch across the fabric we are one little step closer to bringing her home. I hear it in Tucker’s voice when he asks one more time if he can see the pictures of his little sister and when every day he wants to pray for her. I hear it when Libby points to her sister’s picture and tries to say her name. I hear it in the sweet noises of twin baby boys recently brought home by friends who have waited so patiently for them. I hear it in the patter of dancing feet and little singing voices-when my kids beg to listen to the “adoption song” one more time and make yet another person who visits our house listen to it too. I hear it in laughter and conversation and paintbrushes swishing in water at each painting party we have to raise money. I hear it in offers of prayer and offers of help and the simple question “how is the adoption going?” — all of which tell me people care. I hear it in His Word, and I hear it in His voice as He gently leads me (us) through another phase of the process. He has given us hope. He has given us peace. He has given far more abundantly than we ever asked or imagined.
And we named her Aida (we’re pronouncing it A-duh) which means “princess” in her native country. We named her Aida because it also means gift. We just recently updated our prayer requests page and our fundraising pages. We hope you will read them and continue with us in praying Aida home.
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Thankful List for September
*Donations for our online auction! *Straight donations in the last month amounting to $1,775 *sooo many t-shirt orders * a new cabinet to house all the t-shirts *Krista, Kristin, Kelli, and Whitney who gave up a lot of their Saturday to help trace and cut appliqués for t-shirts *Students: Melissa, Kasi, and Ashley and their continuous help with our kids and offers to trace/cut things *Susanna Burford coming to spend a weekend sewing with me…what a sweet friend and generous gift *our revised homestudy coming back! *putting our revised homestudy in the mail with our I-600 form once again *overwhelming support and encouragement after we posted our news that we have a little girl in Africa *the amazing comfort that we find in knowing that people are praying with and for us *that Tuck always wants to pray for his baby sister in Africa (and specifically that “she has food in her tummy”) *September was the biggest painting party yet, made a little over $650 (and Kristin and Kelli’s yummy treats)!! *Mailed 12 shirts to Singapore *signing up for a FREE adoption conference And a few random things that have nothing to do with adoption: *Ben packs my lunches on Mondays and Fridays when I work *the way Libby says “tickle, tickle” when she tickles people *listening to students talk about their missions experiences *Tylenol works super fast on fevers *incredible late night conversation with Tucker about the gospel *cinnamon pretzels from Sam’s (and that they are so cheap) *real mail from Dianna in Africa *a great visit with Ben’s parents who overwhelmed us with their generosity of time and resources and all of their help with the kids *possibly some of the sweetest and most convicting words I’ve heard from my (now) 5 year old “Mommy, I got to spend A LOT of time with you today!” *celebrating 5 years with our sweet boy *Wal-Mart has new grocery carts and I got to shop without kids… it really is the simple things in life |
AuthorWe are a family of five (Ben, Beth, Tucker, Libby, and Zane). We started this blog during our 7 year journey to bring home a child through adoption. This is our story of how God is faithful in the good, the bad, and all the in between. Archives
June 2020
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